Nice Propaganda

Everyone loves cheese;

No one loves hemorrhoids.

Romance is sweet;

Frowns are not.

So eat cheese, avoid afflictions of the posterior, get giggy (if you haven't taken a religious vow that would prohibit this), and break out that winning smile (provided you have teeth).  This is the secret to a happy, meaningful, and productive existence on this planet, and the guarantee for eternal happiness in the next life, for...

God enjoys cheese (or why would he have created the cow?),

and hemorrhoids make him very sad (or they would exist in heaven, which they do not),

and romantic love is good (for God is good, and God is love, and therefore...use your logic here),

and God truly approves of the man who smiles, or 

Pagliacci would never have so wisely said:  

Vesti la giubba,
e la faccia infarina.
La gente paga, e rider vuole qua.
E se Arlecchin t'invola Colombina,
ridi, Pagliaccio, e ognun applaudirà!
Tramuta in lazzi lo spasmo ed il pianto
in una smorfia il singhiozzo e 'l dolor, Ah!

...and, if you can't read this, it is entirely your fault, because Italian is the language of Dante and Rocco Capamezzo, and it is the most beautiful and melodious language in the whole world according to Il Progresso, and they should know! So learn Italian, and God will love you, and you will have all the cheese you want in life, and you will never have to experience the horrors of anal misery, and you will find romance with the man/woman/small woodland animal of your choice, and, as a result, you will no longer disgust others with that sad, unappealing frown that is always on your face.

...and now for my propaganda: